Women And Muscles

Until this year I had never aware of the issue that girls shouldn't have muscles.  I have become aware of this after becoming a member of the Esfinges.  I found it rather surprising to hear that guys don't like strong girls.  I have always been fortunate to be in environments that encourage, respect and admire muscles regardless of gender.  I live in Central Oregon.  The town I live in is a hub of innumerable outdoor recreational sports and activities.  About thirty minutes and you can either be in the Cascade Mountains or out in our High Desert.  Then there is all the rural and wild areas of ranches, national forests and BLM land.

I spent my elementary and middle school years living on a large ranch.  (Although we lived on a large ranch my folks ran several decorative building stone claims on the ranch.)  Towards the end of eighth grade my folks moved back to their home town.  I went from being a country girl to a stoner.  As a stoner girl in high school I hung out with the "bad boys".  My strength was an asset and I was respected for it.  I can remember many nights hanging out at the roller rink arm wrestling them.  Or weightlifting and swimming at the local pool.  Then my dad bought the tavern where the loggers hung out and drank at.  Those folks worked hard and they played hard. Muscles were admired and respected regardless of gender.

I'm Never Changing Who I Am

"I'm still the same as I was, now that you understand I'm never changing who I am."  from Imagine Dragon's "It's Time".  

It's not that I am changing.  I am just letting go of the facades I was taught to hide behind and refining the rest. I am learning who I am underneath the false fronts that I was taught to hide myself behind.  I was raised to "be a proper lady".  To be polite, to smile and hide the pain and keep up the appearances, to never rock that proverbial boat.  To suppress and deny myself to please others  I am done hiding and apologizing for being me.  

This is an ongoing process and it is also is a learning process.  I am discovering things about myself that I was unaware of previously.   In learning to allow myself to be me I am learning my own strength, power and value.

Facades and chains seem to go to together.......actually I would have to admit that the facades and false fronts are another type of chain.

The Chains That Bind

One thing that I realized while writing my last post is how much of my past I lived in emotional/mental chains. These are the restraints imposed upon us by society, our loved ones and ourselves.  Many of these are the rules, laws and morals that govern us and make up the foundation of our life and our civilized world.  I am talking about the emotional/mental chains we put on ourselves.

These chains may be fairly obvious or very subtle. I am thinking of the chains we "wear" in order to please others or should I say keep the peace?  And those that we impose upon ourselves to become socially acceptable.  For example I tried attending Alanon many years ago.  I stopped because I knew to follow those twelve steps properly I would have to cut ties with my mother who was a co-dependent, enabling, martyred wife of an alcoholic.  As I knew it would hurt her badly I chose not to hurt her that way.

I can do what I want and not have to explain myself to others unless I choose to do so.   I no longer have to live up to other's expectations of me.  One of the ways this shows in my life is that I am finally developing healthy boundaries and keeping them.  I don't "have" to be responsible for the actions of my ex.   I don't have to live  my life to please others.  It is nice to not have to worry about upsetting others.   Of course being single does make it easier, lol.  

Another Year Older & Wiser

Well I have survived another year on this planet.  I don't feel "older".....But I definitely feel wiser.  I have learned a lot about myself int he past year.  I have had a lot of growth mentally and emotionally. I have lost forty pounds and am getting to where I have a lot more energy.  Not to mention the fact I don't hurt from extra physical exertion or unexpected slips on the ice.  I feel better than I have in years.  Physically and emotionally. I finally crawled out of the gray depths of depression for more than a very short while and have stayed out.  I feel like "me" again, just better than before.  The other big thing I have learned is to be grateful and appreciative of what my body can do.

I have decided that now is the time where I get that second childhood.  Twenty/thirty something again but with the wisdom, self love and confidence I lacked the first time around.  I am working on regaining the perspective and energy I had for life then.  The world is my oyster and anything is possible kind of attitude.  I have at least another twenty to thirty years left and I want them to be good.  I want to have fun, make a lot a of great memories and have a wonderful time.  I am looking forward to getting my body back into prime physical condition.  I am curious to see how close I can get to regaining the strength, energy and stamina I had in my twenties and early thirties.

I went for a hike in the desert at a favorite spot.   The weather was gorgeous.  I took my good friend and neighbor with me.  We have been to a lot of the same places and we have talked about "getting out" for a while.  So I drug him out to accompany me on a "birthday" hike.   Wonder if he'll be willing to go out hiking with me again.  Ran him into the ground I am afraid.  Of course the fact he partied too hard the night before did not help.  I took it easy on him though.  I set a slower pace than normal, at least for me anyway. Well we shall see.  

I was appalled to realize it has been at least four years since I went out and played int he desert.  I used to go several times a month weather permitting.  This was my second time walking out cross country from the "top" of the small canyon we hiked up through.  The first time was the last time I was there four years ago.

Yesterday was my "Friday".  I put in seven hours at work on five hours of sleep.  Then I went on a three mile hike.  I was so jazzed when I got home that I ended up going out and working on my front roses.  Pruning and weeding around them.  Yes, I got to the pruning a good month late this year.

And the best part?  I get to go out and hike it again today with my sons!   It is going to be another beautiful day.

Another Day Closer To My Dreams

As I was getting ready for bed last night I had another thought about waiting for my soulmate.  I tend to have trouble falling asleep at night, work nights are the worst.  I seem to get into watching or reading something and have trouble putting it down.  Even things I have seen a lot already.

So my big thought was the sooner I fall asleep the sooner tomorrow will come.  Tomorrow is another day closer to my soulmate, my goals and my dreams.  Another day closer to the life I want instead of the life I have.

Although the life I have now has definitely improved since this time last year.  I learned so much about myself, what I want, where I want to go and who I want to be.  I have learned to accept myself, be comfortable with myself and love myself. I have learned to live as a single person.  I have forged a new life for myself out

Soul Mates & Hidden Vows

One of my of my soul sisters posted a meme to my Face book wall.  I have seen it before and really liked it. A picture of an elegant woman with long hair in a full length black leather coat hiding a sword behind her back.  It reads "Don't look for a princess in need of saving, look for a queen to fight by your side."   Today I read it and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I now love it.

I realized somewhere in the past six months I have made a vow to my soul mate and to myself.  I have vowed to be patient and await your arrival in my life.  (I am fully aware of the fact that this meeting may never take place in this lifetime or that if it does we may not be able to have the relationship I am yearning for.)  But for now I can stand strong and improve myself.  So that if that blessed event should come to pass I will be ready for you.  I can and will continue to learn and train to be a better person and to have the skills I need to be his queen and fight at his side.

When that day comes I want my soul mate to see me as a beautiful, strong confident woman.  One that he can respect and admire. One who can inspire him and give him strength. A woman worthy to be queen to his king.  Mentally, intellectually and physically.  I will do my best to be ready for that day.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Today I had a good stretching session and a really good practice session.  On top of it all I remembered to do free weight training.  

One thing I do before I start stretching is I spin in circles.   I am doing this to improve by equilibrium.  I found that I would get dizzy too quickly.   I started out with about five spins and now up to twenty plus.  I call this my "spin training", lol.  Once I am dizzy I go into the splits. From there I do stretches that involve being on the floor.  I finish up with stretches best done standing.   About two days ago I noticed my flexibility has improved.

Practice involved footwork followed by unarmed blocks against blows-dagger or otherwise.  I practiced fendente, mandritto and reverso dagger strikes right and left handed.  My left hand is weak on these.  I don't know why I haven't been doing these left handed before this.  Sword training started with one handed techniques, left and right handed.  Then onto two handed guards and strikes.  

I remembered to train with my free weights tonight!