The Chains That Bind

One thing that I realized while writing my last post is how much of my past I lived in emotional/mental chains. These are the restraints imposed upon us by society, our loved ones and ourselves.  Many of these are the rules, laws and morals that govern us and make up the foundation of our life and our civilized world.  I am talking about the emotional/mental chains we put on ourselves.

These chains may be fairly obvious or very subtle. I am thinking of the chains we "wear" in order to please others or should I say keep the peace?  And those that we impose upon ourselves to become socially acceptable.  For example I tried attending Alanon many years ago.  I stopped because I knew to follow those twelve steps properly I would have to cut ties with my mother who was a co-dependent, enabling, martyred wife of an alcoholic.  As I knew it would hurt her badly I chose not to hurt her that way.

I can do what I want and not have to explain myself to others unless I choose to do so.   I no longer have to live up to other's expectations of me.  One of the ways this shows in my life is that I am finally developing healthy boundaries and keeping them.  I don't "have" to be responsible for the actions of my ex.   I don't have to live  my life to please others.  It is nice to not have to worry about upsetting others.   Of course being single does make it easier, lol.  

Another Year Older & Wiser

Well I have survived another year on this planet.  I don't feel "older".....But I definitely feel wiser.  I have learned a lot about myself int he past year.  I have had a lot of growth mentally and emotionally. I have lost forty pounds and am getting to where I have a lot more energy.  Not to mention the fact I don't hurt from extra physical exertion or unexpected slips on the ice.  I feel better than I have in years.  Physically and emotionally. I finally crawled out of the gray depths of depression for more than a very short while and have stayed out.  I feel like "me" again, just better than before.  The other big thing I have learned is to be grateful and appreciative of what my body can do.

I have decided that now is the time where I get that second childhood.  Twenty/thirty something again but with the wisdom, self love and confidence I lacked the first time around.  I am working on regaining the perspective and energy I had for life then.  The world is my oyster and anything is possible kind of attitude.  I have at least another twenty to thirty years left and I want them to be good.  I want to have fun, make a lot a of great memories and have a wonderful time.  I am looking forward to getting my body back into prime physical condition.  I am curious to see how close I can get to regaining the strength, energy and stamina I had in my twenties and early thirties.

I went for a hike in the desert at a favorite spot.   The weather was gorgeous.  I took my good friend and neighbor with me.  We have been to a lot of the same places and we have talked about "getting out" for a while.  So I drug him out to accompany me on a "birthday" hike.   Wonder if he'll be willing to go out hiking with me again.  Ran him into the ground I am afraid.  Of course the fact he partied too hard the night before did not help.  I took it easy on him though.  I set a slower pace than normal, at least for me anyway. Well we shall see.  

I was appalled to realize it has been at least four years since I went out and played int he desert.  I used to go several times a month weather permitting.  This was my second time walking out cross country from the "top" of the small canyon we hiked up through.  The first time was the last time I was there four years ago.

Yesterday was my "Friday".  I put in seven hours at work on five hours of sleep.  Then I went on a three mile hike.  I was so jazzed when I got home that I ended up going out and working on my front roses.  Pruning and weeding around them.  Yes, I got to the pruning a good month late this year.

And the best part?  I get to go out and hike it again today with my sons!   It is going to be another beautiful day.

Another Day Closer To My Dreams

As I was getting ready for bed last night I had another thought about waiting for my soulmate.  I tend to have trouble falling asleep at night, work nights are the worst.  I seem to get into watching or reading something and have trouble putting it down.  Even things I have seen a lot already.

So my big thought was the sooner I fall asleep the sooner tomorrow will come.  Tomorrow is another day closer to my soulmate, my goals and my dreams.  Another day closer to the life I want instead of the life I have.

Although the life I have now has definitely improved since this time last year.  I learned so much about myself, what I want, where I want to go and who I want to be.  I have learned to accept myself, be comfortable with myself and love myself. I have learned to live as a single person.  I have forged a new life for myself out

Soul Mates & Hidden Vows

One of my of my soul sisters posted a meme to my Face book wall.  I have seen it before and really liked it. A picture of an elegant woman with long hair in a full length black leather coat hiding a sword behind her back.  It reads "Don't look for a princess in need of saving, look for a queen to fight by your side."   Today I read it and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I now love it.

I realized somewhere in the past six months I have made a vow to my soul mate and to myself.  I have vowed to be patient and await your arrival in my life.  (I am fully aware of the fact that this meeting may never take place in this lifetime or that if it does we may not be able to have the relationship I am yearning for.)  But for now I can stand strong and improve myself.  So that if that blessed event should come to pass I will be ready for you.  I can and will continue to learn and train to be a better person and to have the skills I need to be his queen and fight at his side.

When that day comes I want my soul mate to see me as a beautiful, strong confident woman.  One that he can respect and admire. One who can inspire him and give him strength. A woman worthy to be queen to his king.  Mentally, intellectually and physically.  I will do my best to be ready for that day.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Today I had a good stretching session and a really good practice session.  On top of it all I remembered to do free weight training.  

One thing I do before I start stretching is I spin in circles.   I am doing this to improve by equilibrium.  I found that I would get dizzy too quickly.   I started out with about five spins and now up to twenty plus.  I call this my "spin training", lol.  Once I am dizzy I go into the splits. From there I do stretches that involve being on the floor.  I finish up with stretches best done standing.   About two days ago I noticed my flexibility has improved.

Practice involved footwork followed by unarmed blocks against blows-dagger or otherwise.  I practiced fendente, mandritto and reverso dagger strikes right and left handed.  My left hand is weak on these.  I don't know why I haven't been doing these left handed before this.  Sword training started with one handed techniques, left and right handed.  Then onto two handed guards and strikes.  

I remembered to train with my free weights tonight!

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

I watch a lot of anime, A LOT.    Since my boys introduced me or should I say I stumbled into watching it from being in the room as they were watching it.  Anime is about all I ever watch anymore.  Of course this has led me to go read whatever my current favorite is in it's manga version online. I have noticed that although I tend to go for the fantasy genre I do  seem to find ones that have good lessons.  No not lessons, but inspiration.  I feel I am being guided to whatever inspiration I currently need or that will help me.  

The inspiration I found in my current favorite is about the strength of one's determination to work hard to get where they want. The protagonists in this series know what they want and they inspire each other to work hard to get there. That is what stood out to me.

I have spent the past year learning about myself, what I want and need. I spent months thinking and searching about what to do to get there.  Changing jobs where I work has given me a fairly stable schedule.  This helped me to decide what I wanted and needed to do.  I have found a new path and new goals.  This series has been a positive inspiration for me as I adjust to my new life.

Sunday, March 3, 2016

As of yesterday meetings are now on Saturdays.  As long as I can get someone to babysit the glass shop I am able to go.  We now have a schedule of three Saturdays on and the fourth one off.   We worked on our sword skills this time.    Now learning a new form of measure, practiced our fendentes from Posta di Donna.  Learned a nice little move to use when the swords bind in the "weak" areas, aka about the last third of the sword.  (the pointed, sharp end, lol)  We also practiced not flinching as a sword is swung at us.  It was all done in a very controlled manner.  I found it harder than I expected to not flinch.  It is very instinctive to flinch when something comes flying towards your head.

We were granted the pleasure of watching our teacher spar with the youngest member of our group.  This young man works with us and over in the valley.  He has been doing this longer than the rest of us, excluding our teacher.  He used longsword and dagger against our teacher.  Teacher used longsword, dagger, poleaxe and axes.  It was very neat to watch.  They did about three rounds.

The more weapons I see used the more I want to learn how to use them myself.  My inner Celtic warrior queen appears to love all weapons.  Apparently she has quite the blood thirsty, battle streak.  She loves weapons.