February 4, 2016

February, 1, 2016
I noticed it was the first today.  Today my dear daughter would of turned 17.  She would of been a junior this year in high school.  Enough time has passed since her death that I am starting to miss these dates-her birthday, date of death etc;  It means I have learned and healed from the loss.

I watch a lot of anime anymore.  Not only do I find it entertaining I find there are lots of good life lessons to be found in it.  Things to learn from.  At times it is a kind of mirror. One can find characters to identify with and in the process learn and discover things about themselves.  When I ask myself why I like the show and the characters in it, what it is that draws me to this character I learn about myself.

For example one character remarks to the other "He didn't ask for any help, did he?"  I realized that like this character I don't tend to ask for help and that I am also used to being on my own.  I am used to relying on myself.  First in part because I am an only child and I grew up in a rural area so I was isolated.  I had very few friends and I grew up in a dysfunctional family.  These circumstances enhanced those tendencies and my life continued to follow that pattern.  I married and had my own dysfunctional relationship.  Secondly asking for help or relying on others leaves me hurt and disappointed.  Now I am on my own and I still prefer to rely on myself and well my life has just worked out this way.  Like this character, I too have been through a lot and am a strong person.

February 4, 2016

As I mentioned in the last post my poor, old worn out shoes are really affecting my footwork.  I find when I practice barefoot my feet are going where they are supposed to.  My "poor" footwork is a direct result of my worn out shoes.  I am really fighting them.  They are over two years old.  I got them when I about forty pounds heavier. I walked differently then.  I put more weight to the outsides of the balls of my feet, especially the right foot.  Also that part of the shoe is worn down badly and no longer offers any support to that part of my foot.  As a result I am almost walking to the outside of the sole of the shoe on that foot.

I broke down today and looked my favorite tennis shoes up on Amazon.  To my surprise with shipping and handling they were about half as much as I had expected.  Needless to say I ordered them.  I am looking forward to new shoes!