Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop

One of the things I've dealt with this past year is learning how to live without a horrible anxious feeling.  I knew nothing was wrong, bills were paid and I was doing things right.  After living in that anxious, stressed, worried state for so long it took a while to get used to being able to live without a feeling of dread and fear, waiting for that proverbial other shoe to drop.    Months later I would feel that dread.   Getting busy at work seems to have helped a lot too.  I didn't have time to notice the feeling.

I'm getting back into the swing of things again.  I am back to training with my sword daily, practicing blocks and dagger strikes.  I've picked up my weights and started with them again too.  

Now I just have to keep up with taking better care of myself.  As my perspectives change for the better I see things a bit differently,    When my inner child rebels and wants to play I ask myself, "is this self-care?  If not then are you honoring yourself? And the answer is generally no.  

A little short and sweet, but I wanted to get it out.  

Loyalty, Commitment and Myself

Just read a meme about the traits of loyalty and commitment.  Trying to write a comment that showed how true it was in my case without sounding like I am bashing or bitter.  Because I did  destroy myself with blinf loyalty and commitment to an addict. As I was trying to think of how to say in a short and simple manner how being destroyed has re-made me into what I am.  I was thinking along the lines of  I have learned....and was searching.  I was going to say I have learned that I must first be loyal and commited to myself.  

But how loyal and committed have I truly been to myself?   Not to good I think.   I need to be loyal to loving myself, respecting myself and trusting myself.   I did good today however.  I bit my tongue, told myself not to let it get to me and managed to shake it off.  When my new boss is stressed, well you know they old saying, shit rolls downhill.  I hate people jumping all over me out of the blue about nothing and I hate how the rules change from one day to the next.  Also less time to do more and then they make it more difficult.