Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Missed The Five Year Anniversary

I was planning on commemorating the loss of my father five years ago on the anniversary of his death.  :(  Just like most things I'd like to commemorate or celebrate I was too busy with work and snow shoveling.  It blew everything else out of my mind and the occasion passed me by.   Like most everything of this kind.....

Dear Gods and Goddesses, Great Spirit, Lord and Lady, my Ancestors...I am tired....so tired of keeping it together, working too much, too long for too little.  I do not know how to ask for help and I don't expect it.  It makes me feel needy and guilty.  I find it hard to receive any-yet I am so very thankful for the help I do get.   I know that I am just having a weak moment.  And frankly even feeling (tired) this way in the slightest makes me feel so guilty and ungrateful for what I DO have.  This is the part about being a single, independant woman that I hate....the double work schedule, and the burden of making a living and taking care of things rests completely on my shoulders.

I do know that one of these years it will get better.  Today it just seems bleak.  For the moment I have lost the battle.  But I know I will not give up the war.