The Chains That Bind

One thing that I realized while writing my last post is how much of my past I lived in emotional/mental chains. These are the restraints imposed upon us by society, our loved ones and ourselves.  Many of these are the rules, laws and morals that govern us and make up the foundation of our life and our civilized world.  I am talking about the emotional/mental chains we put on ourselves.

These chains may be fairly obvious or very subtle. I am thinking of the chains we "wear" in order to please others or should I say keep the peace?  And those that we impose upon ourselves to become socially acceptable.  For example I tried attending Alanon many years ago.  I stopped because I knew to follow those twelve steps properly I would have to cut ties with my mother who was a co-dependent, enabling, martyred wife of an alcoholic.  As I knew it would hurt her badly I chose not to hurt her that way.

I can do what I want and not have to explain myself to others unless I choose to do so.   I no longer have to live up to other's expectations of me.  One of the ways this shows in my life is that I am finally developing healthy boundaries and keeping them.  I don't "have" to be responsible for the actions of my ex.   I don't have to live  my life to please others.  It is nice to not have to worry about upsetting others.   Of course being single does make it easier, lol.  

Another Year Older & Wiser

Well I have survived another year on this planet.  I don't feel "older".....But I definitely feel wiser.  I have learned a lot about myself int he past year.  I have had a lot of growth mentally and emotionally. I have lost forty pounds and am getting to where I have a lot more energy.  Not to mention the fact I don't hurt from extra physical exertion or unexpected slips on the ice.  I feel better than I have in years.  Physically and emotionally. I finally crawled out of the gray depths of depression for more than a very short while and have stayed out.  I feel like "me" again, just better than before.  The other big thing I have learned is to be grateful and appreciative of what my body can do.

I have decided that now is the time where I get that second childhood.  Twenty/thirty something again but with the wisdom, self love and confidence I lacked the first time around.  I am working on regaining the perspective and energy I had for life then.  The world is my oyster and anything is possible kind of attitude.  I have at least another twenty to thirty years left and I want them to be good.  I want to have fun, make a lot a of great memories and have a wonderful time.  I am looking forward to getting my body back into prime physical condition.  I am curious to see how close I can get to regaining the strength, energy and stamina I had in my twenties and early thirties.

I went for a hike in the desert at a favorite spot.   The weather was gorgeous.  I took my good friend and neighbor with me.  We have been to a lot of the same places and we have talked about "getting out" for a while.  So I drug him out to accompany me on a "birthday" hike.   Wonder if he'll be willing to go out hiking with me again.  Ran him into the ground I am afraid.  Of course the fact he partied too hard the night before did not help.  I took it easy on him though.  I set a slower pace than normal, at least for me anyway. Well we shall see.  

I was appalled to realize it has been at least four years since I went out and played int he desert.  I used to go several times a month weather permitting.  This was my second time walking out cross country from the "top" of the small canyon we hiked up through.  The first time was the last time I was there four years ago.

Yesterday was my "Friday".  I put in seven hours at work on five hours of sleep.  Then I went on a three mile hike.  I was so jazzed when I got home that I ended up going out and working on my front roses.  Pruning and weeding around them.  Yes, I got to the pruning a good month late this year.

And the best part?  I get to go out and hike it again today with my sons!   It is going to be another beautiful day.