Thursday, December 31, 2015

Goodbye 2015

Good bye to another year.  2015 was a long year in some respects and in others it flew right on by.  It started out a bit rocky as I was grieving the loss of a twenty five year relationship.   I had to truly accept the fact that I am single and the life I had always expected would never be.  I don't think I had ever given up on the idea of "us" until then.  I never expected to have to have to fight my battles and this world standing on my own without him.  I never expected to run the family business by myself or to be my sole protector and provider.  The loss of that was very hard on me.  It destroyed my sense of who and what I was.  I had a lot of anger, sadness, disappointment and resentment to deal with.

I read a wonderful blog post on Suburban Samurai today.  His posts really resonate with me as I understand the struggle.  I too have lived with despair, grief and even hate.  I have somehow managed to make it through and am slowly emerging from it's terrible dark nothingness into the light.  I am learning albeit slowly how to embrace the light and to live again-not just survive.  May I continue to follow the sacred Red Road for peace, happiness and to remember to be eternally grateful for it.

As I look back and try to put 2015 into perspective I realize how far I have come in the past year.  I finally feel as if I am emerging from the shadows after so many years.  I am learning who and what I am.   Realizing that I am so much more than I ever thought or dreamed.  I am learning to believe in myself and love myself again.  I have learned that there is much about myself to like, respect and even love.  I am strong, kind and honorable.  I have many talents and skills.  

And I am learning to forgive myself for the past.

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